Would You Say?
Content Warning: Abuse, Trauma, C-PTSD, Mental Health
You’re probably confused. You’ve read the title “Would you say” followed by the content warning. You’re probably thinking, “Why wouldn’t you tell someone about abuse, or trauma that has affected you?”
Let me explain…
When it comes to talking about abuse. I know that it’s important. I know everyone doesn’t have that luxury though. But talking about it can save lives – especially if you tell someone you trust.
But that’s the thing. Who could I trust? I told my family and friends mostly about what happened to me, but one detail. It wasn’t that I was intentionally hiding it, but I felt ashamed of what happened.
Truth be told, I was told that others, mainly the ones I really trusted and loved, would be ashamed of me anyway. But also that if I didn’t meet “certain demands,” then “he’d” tell them anyway.
So, what would you do?
For the last 10+ years, I continued to be silent. I felt like I didn’t have a choice. That burden I lived with every single day. I was sure something bad would happen if I did talk. It meant I felt I couldn’t even talk to my therapist or trauma team about it.
So why am I talking about it now?
Back in January (2026), I was talking to my Mum over video-call, and although I couldn’t tell you about the conversation we were having at the time, I do know I somehow started talking. I remember feeling ashamed, and scared. I was waiting for the words, “I’m disappointed in you.” I felt the tears burn my face, my breathing ragged and I felt my mind felt fuzzy, and somewhat out of control. The last decade had really taken it out of me – the flashbacks, “his” voice, the nightmares, the never really sleeping at night.
So I told my Mum the truth. I remember saying (after a long ramble), “I’m sorry Mum. I didn’t mean to hurt you by keeping this secret. And I’m disappointed in myself that I let this happen…” as I was apologising, my Mum stopped me.
“Why are you sorry?” She asked, “You were taken advantage of.”
I was shocked. This wasn’t what I was expecting her first words to be after hearing some of the darkest and most damaging information I’d ever shared.
We talked more, and every 5 minutes, I kept apologising. Again, she reminded me about me not being the problem here. Even if I did feel weak. Some peoples’ unfortunate desires were to be in-control, take you away from who you are, and make you the problem.
She asked me. Had I told anyone else? I said “no” and honestly, I wouldn’t have told my Mum if it weren’t for my mind and mouth taking the lead.
My Mum encouraged me to talk to my sister and amazing partner. That week was full of conversations. After all, if I didn’t then, I never would. Afraid of how they’d react too, it surprised me that their reactions were positive towards me too.
Although the conversations I had still makes me feel on edge even today, I have spoken to my mental health team who said “I did the right thing.”
What I thought would happen, verses what happened were completely different. I am fortunate; I have a support network around me, who have each other’s backs. Although life is hard since having those conversations (with my mental health), what I realised was a strength that pulled my loved ones together. It’s through the difficult times that I realised that it’s my family and friends are who I can depend on.
So, would you have said if you were in my shoes?
Do you have a support network?
Many people don’t have that support. Many think, “why didn’t she/he report it or say about it sooner?” Trust me, it’s not that easy. And even then, we have the problem of “you’re making it up.” If they do have a supportive network around them, then the abuser removes the contact the victims have with friends and family.
Did you know I can tick (what feels like) all types of abuse there is. That’s just me. When you look at statistics for women, nearly 1/3 of us have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16. This is according to the Office of National Statistics from 2025). This doesn’t include those who are abused but can’t speak about it, and those who don’t even know they are in an abusive situation.
Why am I sharing all this, and why today? For 2 reasons.
- People need to realise the facts and the truth about abuse. It shouldn’t be a “swept under the carpet” situation. Real lives are being affected, and no matter who you are, you could be subjected to abuse. People need to be aware of this.
- I’m fed up with being hidden. It worries me that society’s attitudes towards abuse victims and survivors make it a battle to be believed. And it is frustrating that every day, someone else is being harmed. And this hurts….
So I’m on a mission. I can’t change a nation, but I want to be a voice: To make some change, and to help others.
I’m not going to be silenced anymore. Starting soon, I’ll be advocating and talking about my experiences, and hoping to change attitudes about abuse, and even the trauma associated with it. It’s going to be a journey, and yes I will be emotional about it, but I’m human. I’ve gone through a lot.
So, to answer my own title question: Would I say knowing what I know now?… Yes!
If you are affected by abuse, there are helplines there to support you (I’m not affiliated with these organisations):
| Welsh Women’s Aid | Call 0808 80 10 800 Email [email protected] Text 07458 143 415 Visit https://gov.wales/live-fear-free/contact-live-fear-free to use our webchat service. |
| You can also find local support around you by following Women’s Aid’s Directory Services | https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory/ |
| Respect (Men’s Advice Line) | https://mensadviceline.org.uk/contact-us/ |
