“I’m going to fail, just give up” – Jobs, Work Experience and Volunteering
31 July 2017
For about 3 days, I have been doing work experience with ITV Wales in Cardiff Bay. It’s been a bit of an adventure! I’ve never done any work experience before. I never thought I’d ever have the confidence or bravery to do it. I’ve done volunteering for over a year now, but even that was difficult. All I had in my
head was, “There is no point me trying, because I’m going to fail,” and, “my health is going to get in the
way. I’m not well enough to do anything, what’s the point in trying?”
Conscious thoughts, they’re great, aren’t they?
Unfortunately, this was something that has always been in my head. The reason I volunteered at the end of the day was more because I wanted to make a difference and end mental health stigma and discrimination. I always wanted to be a Time to Change/Time to Change Wales champion (volunteer), but my confidence and shyness always got in the way. I always found it scary to talk to people who I’ve known for more than 3 years, let alone volunteer with different people and having to speak to large groups! Personal stigma and discrimination made me decide to try though. I didn’t want anyone to be hurt by harsh comments like I had been. So that’s what I did, I applied, had my training and soon became a TTCW champion!
Still, despite managing to get through all of this, I still convinced myself that everyone was better off without me. I would fail.
At times now I still feel like this, but when I look back from then until now, I’ve been volunteering for a year and 4 months (not that I’ve been counting). I’ve been given so many opportunities to speak to so many wonderful people. TTCW helped give me confidence, reduce my shyness, and helped me gain friends with some wonderful people. Because of TTCW, I felt brave enough to also apply in being a Mind media volunteer.
Despite all of this, the thought still existed, “I’m going to fail, just give up.”
In recent months, I’ve been wanting to apply for a job. I’ve done my research, I have even got to the part where I’ve almost submitted the application, but once again, the thought repeats in my head, “What is the point? I’m going to fail. Who would want to employ me? I’m going completely mess up!”
As part of my media volunteering, I was grateful and fortunate to be given the opportunity to be filmed for ITV Wales! It was an amazing experience, and I loved every minute of it.
At the time, I wanted to see my video before it aired on TV, I was slightly scared that they were going to manipulate the video — They didn’t though, it was just my own anxious thoughts again! Anyway, I went to the studios in Cardiff Bay and watch the video, and I was even given a tour around the offices, which was amazing! I then bravely asked about work experience. Something I’ve been to nervous and scared to ask anyone about before.
This is where my 3 days work experience with ITV Wales came to place. I met some lovely people and I learnt a lot. I learnt more about the gallery, sound editing, programme structure, reporting, web development, video editing and more! It was amazing, and I wish I didn’t have to finish my 3 days there.The team at ITV Wales were so kind, friendly and understanding, and they believed I did well in my 3 days with them. I’ve also been asked to stay in contact, which is amazing!
On the Tuesday, after my second day of work experience, I was walking back to my boyfriend’s flat, and it was like something just kicked inside me. It felt weird, but for the first time in my life, I felt I was able to achieve anything I put my mind to.
As well as this new feeling, I also felt happiness. I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders, the weight that I thought nothing was possible was suddenly changed. I suddenly felt the confidence to apply for a job or two! I never thought about it before where the fear of failing wasn’t in my mind. It was strange, but nice to finally feel positive.
I know this blog was talking about jobs, work experience and volunteer, but in any situation, you should definitely try and think positive and tell yourself, anything is possible! I know it’s harder said than done, but I found writing positives book is now helping me stay positive with these types of things (I shall write a blog about this soon).
A good few years ago, I never thought I’d get into college to study music, I never thought I’d get into university, I never thought I’d be brave enough to be on TV or radio; but you know, in the end of the day, anything is possible.
I proved to myself I was/am strong enough to full or part time job if the opportunity arose, yes I may make mistakes on the job, but I need to try and think positively and always remember that I’m giving it the best I can!
At the end of the day just remember, you are NOT a failure. You can do anything you set your mind to. Some things may not happen, but it isn’t because you failed, perhaps that opportunity just isn’t meant to happen yet. Keep smiling, anything can be possible!